70000 Tons of Metal 2024 Review Recap Part 4

DAY 04 – THE END IS NEAR

By: Tom Mis

February 1st, 2024

Day four started extra special – a 10am set on the Pool Deck from Lord of the Lost. Hot off their run on the Eurovision competition (which they absolutely should’ve won), the band pulled out all the stops and was genuinely one of the most fun acts on board. They’re poppy, almost industrial-ish metal, with a real flair for the dramatic, which makes them absolutely perfect for the Pool Deck. They’re the real thing – what you hear on the record is what you get live. As an American who wanted to see “Blood and Glitter” win Eurovision, this was a stellar addition to an already killer lineup.

The Lord of the Lost set is a good time to shout out the hospitality crew of the ship. Even pre-COVID, there was always someone standing outside the Windjammer (the main general buffet/dining area on board) with a guitar. They play simplified acoustic versions of familiar tunes, like “Enter Sandman,” some GnR, and “Zombie” by The Cranberries, but all of the lyrics have been changed to instruct you to wash your hands before entering the Windjammer. We’ve come to affectionately call this Washy Washy, and I think they love playing the songs for us as much as we love hearing them. Lord of the Lost, apparently, is also a huge fan of Washy Washy. Mid-set, they suspiciously played the first few chords of “Zombie” before launching into the heaviest interpretation of the song, with all of the lyrics changed to “wash your hands.” This gag wouldn’t land anywhere else but here, and everyone on board knows the Washy Washy cover tunes, so this was a natural hit.

A short aside – before Lord of the Lost went on, I overheard some chatter that Nanowar of Steel did the table thing during their second set on day three, launching it into the crowd. Security wasn’t happy about it, and I’ve decided that this is seriously uncool. Maybe don’t throw a table into the audience? 

We wrapped the morning with a Pool Deck set from Einherjer, doing an extra special ‘90s Viking Metal set. If you’re not from Scandinavia, you might’ve slept on this band. Go brush up. Given that this is the closest thing to a set in the US this band is ever going to play, it was mission-critical to catch them. Modern Viking Metal owes everything to Einherjer and Bathory, so you owe it to yourself to give them a listen.

Day four is always the All Star Jam, where a ton of musicians from various bands on board jam on some cover tunes of classic metal tracks. Some of these folks have never played together before, you get all sorts of weird band member combinations doing these covers, which range from totally sick and totally unique (Prika from Nervosa singing “South of Heaven” was the standout cover this year) to hilariously bad but still fun (I don’t think the singer of Mystic Prophecy has ever actually heard Judas Priest’s “Electric Eye” but wow, he sure did make up 90% of the words). The All Star Jam started as an impromptu cover set on an earlier cruise by Annihilator mainman Jeff Waters, whose absence on the boat the past few years has been super concerning. Alex Krull continues to hold down the fort hosting the Jam until Jeff’s (hopeful) triumphant return to 70k.

I generally pride myself on being a know-it-all about everything metal, but one band I slept on by mistake was Fleshgod Apocalypse – until enough folks I trusted convinced me to catch their set on the Pool Deck during sunset. A unique blend of Symphonic Death Metal with classical elements, this band is wild. With an appearance and stageshow somehow more dramatic than Lord of the Lost, I plan on immersing myself in their entire discography when I get home.

There was a hot streak of shows in the Theater afterwards, starting with My Dying Bride’s second set, this one more doom-focused than death-focused. While there were maybe two overlapping songs, doing different sets is always special onboard, and gives you a reason to catch a band twice.

The energy in the Theater was goddamn electric for Sodom’s set – playing Agent Orange from beginning to end. Given that Sodom reunited with Frank Blackfire a while back (the original guitarist who recorded Agent Orange) this was not to be missed. Whether or not this is something they ever do again or a one-off set for the boat is still up in the air, but the room was comically packed, and the crowdsurfers flowed like a waterfall down on security, whose patience never seemed to run dry. Agent Orange only clocks in around 40 minutes, but Sodom was more than happy to fill the last 20 minutes of their set with a handful of classics, much to the delight of literally everyone.

We were seriously winding down now – it was 9:30pm, and Tom Angelripper is wishing us a safe trip home, a stark reminder that this is not the real world and we all must go back to reality sooner than later. I had a brief existential crisis about the meaning of happiness, and the point of my existence if it was not to watch bands for approximately 20 hours a day, every day. However, I quickly got over it as Sodom’s audience cleared the room and Epica fans started filling it back up within minutes. Ignorance is bliss, and I chose ignorance, despite the fact that I had not yet packed and knew full well that there were only a few shows left. By morning, we’d be back in Miami to debark – we didn’t have to go home, but we couldn’t stay here.

We stayed in the Theater a bit longer to catch a second, brilliant set of Epica. Seeing them in an environment like this, and being able to get up close and personal to one of the biggest metal bands in the world like this is so incredibly special.

Unfortunately, disaster struck for me – after taking a bunch of photos, my body could no longer keep up. Like so many of my comrades before me, I briefly passed out in the Theater. Despite having only one set left on my list (Angra – shooting a live DVD on the Pool Deck), I knew I had no choice but to retire to my stateroom for some proper sleep. After approximately 32 shows in 4 days, I had hit my limit.

On the morning of February 5th, we pulled back into port at Miami, exited the boat, and (most of us) went back to reality. Some folks stayed in the area for the after parties. Others chose to stay on board for the next (non-metal) cruise. But us, we just went to the airport – and stood out – as did every other metalhead in Miami, clad head to toe in black.

This concludes our 4 part piece. Check our archives for 1-3!